Can I just start off by expressing my sincere and genuine happiness that stems from all things baby? I see a cute one in a WalMart grocery cart and have to talk to my ovaries like a hostage negotiator, "That's 18 years to life, calm down."
"But look how soft and smell-good it is!""Stay with me here, you can do this.."
I get it. They're adorable. My biological clock is tickin'...STRONG... But, if I never end up having a child of my own, it makes me no less of a woman. Which people perpetually try to shove down my throat. "When are you getting married?"
"Do you have a new beau yet?"
"How many kids do you want?"
"When are you having babies?"
"Oh! You're next in the family! Better get started now.."
But I'm single. Or as many classify it as, I'm single AF.
I don't know if marriage or children or settling down in a house of my own will ever happen.
And that's okay. I don't lose my right to be a feminist and, yeah, I can make a mean damn sandwich. Fancy that.
And as I'm getting older, I'm seeing people settle, for love and careers and the cheap wine. Please, please don't.
You are worth so much more than the life you are accepting. God I'm begging you not to settle. Good will come. Maybe not in the form of a handsome, burly man who wants you to have babies, (or wife) but maybe that's not your destiny. Maybe it is! You owe it to yourself to follow your dreams, I hope you never, ever lose sight of that. I hope you never get so caught in society's predetermined ROLE for you, that YOU forget YOUR role, to YOU. Your dream. Your passion. That thing that keeps you up at night thinking about it. THAT, is why you don't settle.
Sometimes I sit with a tub of Half-Baked ice cream and wonder if I'll ever find Mr.Right. Does he exist? Or do you really just meet someone and are like, "You seem pretty cool and your crazy matches mine so let's do this whole life thing together." And that's that.
I don't know.
I do know that you may only get one opportunity in your life to be truly alone. To stand on your own two feet. To be single AF. Because everything can change in a single moment..
So no, I don't have a boyfriend.
But you know what I DO have?
I have confidence that who ever I let in my life next, will add value to my life. They will ADD to my life, instead of take away, or add stress and anxiety and insecurity. I will know enough about standing alone, that I can be someone to lean on in a relationship. I will be secure and happy on my own, so there's no option but for someone to add happiness and meaning to it.
Please stop asking women when they are having babies. Please stop asking us when we are getting married. Please stop informing us (as if we are not already freaking out ourselves) that our biological time bomb... I mean, clock, is perpetually ticking. Stop giving women and young girls the impression that our existence hinges on bearing children, getting married, and taking care of said marriage and children.
Because some of us are single AF, tired of hearing it, and really.. Are doing great things in the world ourselves, and for ourselves. Including following our dreams that don't specifically involve a man and children and a home.
I want to be nice, I do. I want to brush it off and tell you I'm going to have a baker's dozen children and actually, I'm getting married in the morn! But the truth is, I'm not. It's sort of heartbreaking to me when you ask, like I'm not living up to my potential and I'm a failure if I haven't accomplished THOSE things. Yet, you don't look at the small victories my life has held.
So let me answer your question; I'm happy by myself, I'm not getting married, and I'm unsure whether I do or don't want kids, or if I will or will not ever get that amazing opportunity. I'm not going to be a crazy cat lady. I'm not going to dress up my dogs in Halloween costumes (yeah, I lied.. I am; SpideyDog is too irresistible) I'm not going to spiral into a pit of depression. I'm going to work my ass off and travel and straight starfish across my sheets and take up the entire bed. I'm going to eat take-out Chinese food in bed naked while I'm reading a book for 7 hours on a Friday night. I'm going to go on road trips and laugh. Man, am I going to laugh. I'm going to look in the mirror and try to love my body. I'm going to run for my health, and not my image. I'm going to say, "I love you," far too much to my siblings and parents. I'm going to annoy the hell out of my manager. I'm going to toast wine to sunsets across the globe and meet people with vibrant stories to tell.
Most of all, I'm going to lead a full, and fulfilling life.
And yes, I can do all that with someone else. But I'm happy standing alone. It took me a long, challenging time to get to this point. I hope we can arrive at the same destination.
I genuinely hope you're happy for me, too.
Sincerely,
24andSingleAFwithNoWeddingPlans.
PS. You will not find an RSVP enclosed to my wedding; but I'd love for you to see me off on my flight to Athens this August.
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