When a Rut Becomes Home

I’ve been stuck in a rut lately. I am not sure whether I got pushed into it, slipped into it by accident, or just jumped right on in on my own accord; but I’m here. What I realized though, is this hole I am stuck in is not like other ruts I have been in. The noticeably dark, scary, and dingy pits I notice myself in and am clawing at the walls to get out is not at all like the pit I am in right now. This one is well-decorated and comfortable. Actually, it is so comfortable that I could call it home.

You see, if we find ourselves in a bad situation for long enough, it eventually becomes home to us. The dark, scary place it may have been at the beginning is no longer how you perceive it in your heart. You see this scary place now as a comfort zone. For you, this may be a relationship that you aren’t fulfilled in and you stay there because it’s what is comfortable. For others, it may be a job that you have stuck with for years on end because the pay was good and the risk didn’t seem worth it to change. If you stay in this rut for long enough, you end up decorating the walls, dusting the cobwebs away, and putting your feet up for a while.

We reason our way out of that gut feeling that tells us to change. We may want to prove everyone else wrong, we may not trust ourselves or any other advice, and we may be relying on that comfort ‘pit’ to provide us with a sense of worth. It depends on what kind of rut you are stuck in, and how you got there to begin. What matters now is that you realize this hole you are in has been disguised as a comfy place to hang your hat; but it’s not.

This kind of rut is the last kind you want to be in, because you can’t get out without work…..And we don’t want to do the hard work it takes to get out. It’s uncomfortable; extremely. Although that hole you fell in was uncomfortable getting in, it’s now become home, so getting out is terribly uncomfortable.

I’m writing this to tell you that you can know freedom. You can know peace. A few tips I have found useful in my ongoing journey to step outside my comfort zone are as follows:

1.      Commit to getting out of the rut you are in.

2.      Recommit to getting out on a daily basis, on a moment to moment basis if you have to.

3.      Push your boundaries. You will discover that things that once were natural for you have become challenging. If you are uncomfortable in the situation, evaluate why, and then proceed if it is due to wanting to only remain in your comfort zone.

4.      Know that the butterflies in your stomach are a sign of progress!

5.      Enjoy the challenge ahead. There is a huuuuuge difference in doing what we know we should be doing, and doing what we have a desire to do. In the end, you will always go back to doing what you ultimately WANT to do, so make sure your desires and your actions are aligned with one another.

Addictions become our comfort zones.

Toxic relationships become our comfort zones.

Dead-end jobs become our comfort zones.

Ruts come in all different shapes and sizes; some with Gucci hand bags and fancy sports cars as a disguise; know when and how to recognize a potential pit in your life. Just because something is comfortable, doesn’t mean you should decorate the walls and live there.

 

52 words in no particular order

...that I should say more on a daily basis

Forgive

Happy

Love

Spectacular

Joy

Adventure

Pray

Family

Exercise

Friend

Sunshine

Patience

Smile

Fresh

Stunning

Immaculate

New 

Beautiful

Give

Fun

Win

Invite

Work

Try

Stellar

Dance

Generous

Compliment

Dashing

Handsome

Succeed

Excited

Music

Silly

Help

Walk

Smart

Sing

Rest

Warmth 

Plant

Desire

Kind

Prestige

Focus

Motivate

Travel

Laugh

Hold

Fly

Value

Grow

With Love. 

Rate and Date

Why are we doing all this 'rate and date' stuff shit? Yes, it's shit. ((geez, I hate cussing.))

...okay I'm back from washing my mouth out with soap...

I've watched so many tiny girls post YouTube videos rating guys from 1-10, tagging them in a post, and giving one thing that they have to tell the truth about. I've watched guys do it too... A lot of guys.

Looks a little like this:
SPOILER ALERT: Reading this entire post may cause you to lower your IQ, or question the IQ of others. This happens in real life my friends. Soak it in.

Initial Post:
"LMS for a rate and tbh"
Response back:
Rate-9
date- nawww
Crush- maybeee
tbh- I told my friends we were dating when we were just talking because I thought you were cute

Where do I start?

• Should I talk about how demeaning it is to RATE somebody on a scale of 1-10?
• Should I talk about how shallow it is?
• Should I talk about how tacky it is?

Because it is all of those....Demeaning, shallow, and tacky.

It takes twelve seconds to formulate your entire opinion of someone in your mind when first meeting them. That being said, we are naturally, and easily, extremely judgmental people. A trait that once kept us safe from harm and life-threatening situations has now transpired into a full-fledged game of indirect bullying. You may think it is cute, flirty, and gets you attention. One of these things you would be correct, it certainly gets you attention; the wrong kind of attention, but attention nonetheless. If you are able to tag & rate 30 different guys/girls, you most likely don't have any real depth to any ONE of those relationships. So yes, you do get a few seconds when you cross someone's mind so they can join in on this game, but in the end, someone who is willing to put any NUMBER as your VALUE in their LIFE is not a friend you want to stick around for long, or start a relationship with.

Second, if someone rates you anywhere below a perfect ten, you get hurt feelings. Womp womp woooomp. You are officially cyber-bullying and/or BEING cyber-bullied. 

Also, starting conversations with the word "Confession" plastered in front is unnecessary. If you have to advertise that you are about to be honest for about five seconds and say what's truly on your mind, I worry about what the rest of your words encompass.  How about being honest and 'confessing' what is truly on your mind all of the time and see where it gets you....

"Confession: I think you're really fun to talk to."

No. Why do you even have to preface that with a big bold CONFESSION right in front?

Try talking with intention, or better yet, dating with intention.

"You're really fun to talk to, I'd like to take you out to dinner sometime, just get to know you a little better?"

Why is society telling us constantly it's not okay to know WHAT we want, and if we do, we are supposed to follow all these little dating rules. Stop with the pick up lines. Stop with the "confession alert" right before you say something sincere, stop rating and tagging thirty guys/girls in a post to get some attention.

Build some real relationships that will last. {{I mean yes, the video you just put on the internet will last... Forever, because again, you put it on the internet, but that's not the forever I'm talking about}}

I know I sound like a grandma that grew up walking uphill both ways to and from school carrying a cello in one hand and a bag full of books in the other, but I'm actually just a regular girl who's 22 and tired of seeing this onslaught of posts in my feed from people who are MUCH too old to be worrying about a 'rate and date' number and secret confessions. (Which to me, anywhere past middle school and it is WAY past time to move on from this) Time to focus on what's important... You know, the new Marvel movie "Guardians of the Galaxy" coming out! .... Okay kidding about the movie ((I'm not kidding))

Things like a home, a wife/husband, a job/career, your education, building relationships that will last a lifetime, not just a YouTube sensation.

For all those participating in the current "rate and date" and "confessions" cool thing to do... This may be the right time to reevaluate what the words rate and date mean.

Rate: What you should be worried about getting the best of on your car insurance, credit cards, mortgage, etc.
Date: What you should do to get to know someone instead of tagging them in a youtube video, FB status, or Twitter message.
TBH: I actually worry about the people I see doing this; like.. I have probably lost sleep over it. And by probably I mean I have. 

Sincerely,
The Girl Who is Not Cooler Than the Flip Side of Your Pillow

Don't Wait to Hit Rock Bottom

I've been told many times, "They will change when they hit rock bottom. They will want to make the changes for themselves at that point. You just have to wait."

While this is the case in many circumstances, it's also a fallacy we have been led to believe our whole lives. We think that once we can no longer handle our situation, we will put our foot down and make the change. However, when do we say, "enough is enough," and what truly qualifies as "rock bottom?"

The thing about reaching breaking point before you change, is that we are some resilient beings. We can tolerate so well. We will knowingly get deeper and deeper into a chaotic mess, and we as humans, adapt. We use coping mechanisms to just deal.....Leading us to never really hit breaking point.

Sometimes that resilient person is me. I can see this mess of things surrounding me, and I overlook it. I think, "if the going gets tough, I need to be stronger." I will start looking past things I once had standards for, I start not caring about things I once cared about, I start closing myself off and dealing with things myself. I start putting up walls, I start complaining and most of all, I start forgetting that I am the only person in control of my life. Not some magic that hitting rock bottom will inspire in my life.

I'm not alone. As I look around I see people tolerating their sucky jobs, getting heartbroken by toxic relationships, gaining weight and only eating more every day, spending money compulsively and neglecting their savings account for their dream vacation, drinking when they know it's too much.... We all do it.

We tolerate. We adapt. We are resilient.

 

Don't wait to hit rock bottom. It will most likely never happen.

Where in your life are you coasting? Are you tolerating your life or thriving in your life?

You may not be one of the lucky few to eventually hit that 'aha moment' of what we call rock bottom, make the change today.

The Heart Broken Heal Broken Hearts

I woke up this morning and couldn't help but smell the faint smell of a campfire, or rather, a wild fire. It instantly reminded me of the two Colorado fires I have been witness to, the Waldo Canyon Fire and the Black Forest Fire. One of them I watched flicker down the mountainside from my place of work until I drove home in an overheating car, and the other burnt down my childhood home and the homes of friends and families that I've known since preschool. Both experiences have tested and challenged me along with everyone I know; we all had different experiences. I'm not sharing how the natural disaster 'went down' for me, though. The point is not how much tragedy those fires caused, but how much camaraderie.

 

I woke up to the smell of fire and instead of instantly shifting my thoughts towards the hurt and sadness hundreds and hundreds of people are still experiencing, I thought of when I went to Village Inn when the fire was still roaring across those pine tree filled fields. This breakfast being actually one of my sweeter, most cherished memories.

 Nothing spectacular happened. I didn't meet anyone famous, I still had to pay for my own breakfast, all the calories I ate still counted, and I still sat in the same booth I always do. The thing that made this nonchalant trip to breakfast so good was the people surrounding me.

It was an experience that I've never seen before, and it makes me sad today to think that the only time we experience this is when a tragedy happens. Everyone was so concerned, so caring; everyone would open the door for the next person, they would smile when you passed them, they would hold a conversation with you although they didn't know you. The waitresses and waiters were treated with respect and thanked for their food and service. Many people were paying for other people's breakfasts simply because they knew how hard of a time they were going through.

People went out of their way to show kindness, in so many beautiful ways.

 

 

 Now if you read my blog often, you know I never show emotion; ever. Okay.... Kidding! I'm one of the most emotional people you will probably ever come across ;) But this time, it wasn't just me who thought this was so touching. You could see everyone's spirits be uplifted. You could feel the "togetherness" that we all shared, sitting in the little Village Inn that we've memorized which booth and waitress we like best. This time was different, and it's never been the same since.

Why?

 Why is it that tragedy can bring a group of people so strongly together, and once tragedy is gone, we are back to minding our own, not smiling at others, not paying for people's meals 'just because,' etc.

What I realized is that when the natural disaster happened, people KNEW without a shadow of doubt that others were in need. We could assume that even if your house was not currently on fire, your state was and even many that you knew. The heartbroken were helping heal broken hearts. But why is any other day now different?

We may not all be experiencing the same tragedy, but I can guarantee we are ALL still experiencing tragedy.

 

 I dream of the day mundane things like breakfast at Village Inn become memories we cherish because of the kindness of people; of strangers. I dream of the day people show kindness, openness, genuine concern, and giving attitudes every day, because it is every day that tragedies happen individually.

The fires may be put out, and the homes may be being rebuilt, but that doesn't mean it's time to hang up our hats on showing kindness and becoming one community.

With Love,

PhotoSoulSarah

"Why Do You W R I T E?"

I got asked the other day, "Why do you do it?" 

In a state of confusion, I asked "Do what?" 

 

"Why do you write if you don't even know anyone is reading. Doesn't it sometimes feel like a waste of time?" 

And to answer the question short and sweet:

"No. It does not ever feel like a waste of time, but thanks for your concern."

{albeit, rather rude concern..}

 

I write because it makes me happy to write, and I think people should do things that make them come alive and feel happiness.

{{If you haven't read my post about following your dreams, find it here }}

 

But to be honest; my answer should have been a lot more candid and truthful. So this is, stranger who asked me why I write, the real answer I owe you..

 

Sometimes I just stop in my tracks. I grab my phone or jot it down on a piece of paper...words catch my attention. Events, memories, smells, sights, desires.. They inspire me and I simply HAVE to remember 'whatever it was.'

 

And usually the things I write down are powerful for me; for self-realization. I have epiphany moments and maybe writing down two words helps wrap up this inner monologue and battle in my own mind. It may come weeks, months, or even years later, but when the words come to me, all is well. I gain a sense of clarity and understanding. But there's this crazy off-chance that maybe my two words will impact you as well. Yeah, I get it. It's far-fetched and absurd.... But maybe it's absurd to think that we're not all battling the same things. That we haven't all experienced the same emotions. Maybe it's far-fetched to think that my writing couldN'T impact someone struggling or dealing with the same things I am. That's why I write.

 

Maybe I will allow one person to go outside their comfort zone, to inspire someone to follow their dreams, to ignite a passion for life, to help someone else have an epiphany moment in this crazy thing called life. I write because sometimes I don't know what I think until I read what I say, and just maybe...there's a few other people like me out there.

 

I write because the world around me is filled with inspiration; I never want to forget that.......and there's this crazy, far-fetched, absurd chance... That it just might inspire you too. 

So whether it's watching 79 episodes of Netflix in a row, kissing your kids goodnight, getting lost in a good book, sculpting your near-perfect muscles, taking your dog on a walk, gardening, or whatever it is that makes you happy; do that. 

 

And most importantly,

don't let people question why you do it. 

 

 

With Love,

PhotoSoul Sarah.

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