a tiny thing called, "small talk."

People are so shy, all they will show you these days is their entire body. Much like how some people are so poor, all they have is money.

I am bad at small talk. I'm awkward and ask  questions a shrink would ask, and then await the answer wide-eyed. Mostly resulting in an uncomfortable silence or a check-mate in the conversation. I either ask 'way-too-personal' questions, or don't ask any questions. I'm so bad at small talk, that I have watched countless TEDTalks lectures on how to get better at small talk so I can incorporate it into my daily job. Pathetic; I know. 

But hear me out. I want to dig deeper. I don't want a blanket statement of how your day was supposedly, 'good.' I don't want to know what you did today. I want to know how you felt. I don't want to know you went to work and then ate dinner after a hard gym sesh. I want to know those silly, random things you think of in the car while you're driving and spacing out. I want to know if the dinner reminded you of that summer night at your parent's house just before they said the word, "divorce," for the first time. I want to know how you work at a place you hate so that you can support this dream you have at night. I want to know how that dream fills you with an overflowing excitement that you'd never be able to contain. I want to know what that dream is. Tell me about it.. Show me. 

Because I'm tired of small talk, god I'm so tired of it. And while I appreciate and am flattered by an occasional, "hey beautiful," message popping up, I really think you have no platform to say that. What is beautiful about me, when you don't have an inkling of my heart? I don't want to have perfectly contoured make up and a flat stomach, okay I want both of those, but I want more to be kind. I want more to be comforting and soothing and fill you with laughter. I want to fill you with questions and curiosity. I want to be courageous and bold. Tell me I'm kind, tell me I'm nurturing and courageous. 

I need to see you in more than just surface light. I need to know you. I crave to know YOU, not your appearance. Not your facade you hide behind. Not the skin you can unabashedly show. You. I crave to know you. 

And I'm not going to be like Miley Cyrus and come in like a wrecking ball. Maybe a mini bulldozer, but then it's up to you to. 

Opening up to someone is scary. Once you fire the first shot, you can't go back. You're committed. You can't undo what's been done. But sometimes, what's been done is beautiful. A shot at passion. A shot at something real. A shot at making a dream a plan. A shot at unraveling all your hidden secrets that have been held in by a tiny thing called, "small talk."