Sometimes You Can't Shake it Off

I am in love with TaySwift's song, "Shake it Off." I could put it on repeat for days and never tire of foolishly dancing my heart out..... 

But, there are certain things you just can't shake off. I wholeheartedly wish that you could, Taylor Swift. I really do. 

Sometimes things affect us to our very core and we just never are quite the same again. Sometimes one moment starts a domino effect. I think it's safe to say that people get ruined sometimes, of no fault of their own. They get dragged through the dirt so many times and deal with such excruciatingly heartbreaking, real things.. That as much as they try as hard as they can, they just simply can't shake it off.

And I don't think it's a matter of strength, or willpower.. I mean honestly, I don't know what it IS a matter of, but it's certainly not a reflection or lack of desire to change or bounce back. 

I don't understand how this happens. I don't understand WHY this happens. I wish it didn't happen. Life has this way of leaving scars so deep that you can't shake them.

I know what you're thinking. Great, I'm going to feel like this forever. But that's not true. Maybe you can't shake that experience or feeling off. Maybe you can't just focus on someone's hella good hair. Maybe it cut too deep to ever truly heal, maybe that will follow you for the rest of your life. 

But you know what you do? You become so aware of this scar, that you build a sanctuary around it. You don't shake it off. You accept it in everything it is, and you build around it. You build your friendships stronger. Your relationships deeper. Your career brighter. 

And then one day, you've built a life so filled with love and happiness and every other emotion that you no longer worry about that one thing that won't go away, because it did.

It went away. 

It wasn't easy, and sometimes you send up a quick prayer because it slips in and crosses your mind, but that's it. You're living again, and in a round about way, maybe you did just need to shake it off, it just took a little more shimmy. 

I'm alive.

I got a message the other day saying, "Life looks great! I love your Facebook profile picture!" (I talked with said person beforehand so as to not offend anyone by saying what I'm about to say) And not to say that I didn't appreciate the message, but it kind of irked me the more I thought about it. Not the message itself, but a deeper feeling inside me. One that was just sparked by this unexpected message..... 

My life on Facebook is such a TINY, small sliver of my being. It is what I use for comedy and safe keeping of pictures and a way to talk about the milestones in my life and keep up with the milestones of friends and family! You will catch an occasional depressing post, a post at 3AM where I clearly don't have a filter, and a vent about an unnamed person, but for the most part, I strive to keep my FaceBook account upbeat and positive, and to add a little bit of light, or if anything, "realness" to someone's life who happens to wander (or Facebook stalk) across my page.

I want, so badly, to feel pure happiness. It is this high that I am chasing. Chasing through accomplishments and relationships and goals and material things I've obtained; just chasing. 

The sad thing I've come to realize in my reflection about this, is that I think we all do this at some point. (if not forever.) We forever chase this facade of happiness and we forget to just be alive. People base other people's "life" on their "happiness." I think we should base other people's lives on if they are living! 

We forgot to feel that pain. We forget to feel disappointed. We block out moments of unhappiness. And you know what I think? I think we should stop worrying so hard about being happy, and more time worrying about being alive. To feel all the feelings we can feel and experience every moment no matter what emotion it incites in us; but to accept and live in it just as. it. comes. Not only if it is happiness. Not only if it brings us joy. Not only if we feel accomplished.

A moment in sadness or regret is no less significant to your journey than a moment of happiness, in fact, I truly believe that it's those hard moments that shape us. Just as a fire forges steel, so do our challenges in life. So why do we strive for something so vehemently that will only soon elude us? 

Because life is a million little things. A bunch of moments all crammed into one big thing tied with a pretty bow called, "life." So let's focus on enjoying all the little things, and not just the big moments of happiness. 

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in happiness. I believe in permanent laughter wrinkles and working towards happiness. I think life should and is designed to bring us great happiness and satisfaction. I also believe in feeling wholeheartedly in the other moments in life, because it is simply impossible to only feel happiness all of the time. 

So stop lying to yourself and everyone around you when you're not happy. Happiness will come in it's own time and it's own way, and in the mean time, stop adding to your own unhappiness by worrying and stressing about being happy! It's just nonsense! We're meant to feel other things than happiness...... 

Go ahead, let them in. 

So yes, I'm happy on Facebook, and really, for the most part in life. But I'm also alive, welcoming the millions of moments and emotions that come with life. 

My name is Sarah and I am a basic b****.

Hi. My name is Sarah and I am a basic b****.

There's this viral idea sweeping the internet that if you love certain things, you may be basic. Well, I check off 99% of every list, every time. So I thought in light of those lists, I would tell you all the reasons why I'm basic.

Let's get all of the obvious reasons out of the way first

I breathe.
I walk.
I often wear shoes.
I own many plain, white, basic t-shirts.
I take showers.
I have a phone.
I brush my teeth and floss.

Okay, now let's go under the microscope:

I do like tattoos of:
Silhouettes of birds
Dream catchers
Infinity signs
Script in a different language

 I will dance like a fool to Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off" video and not be one bit ashamed.

I love wax melts that smell like the holidays.

I usually add filters to my pictures. Or five.

I go nuts with Victoria Secrets 5 for $26 panties! (No pun intended)

 I love the television show New Girl like nobody's business. I once watched an entire season in one day, and probably looked like Penny from Big Bang Theory when it was over. 

 I love leggings. No, I don't just love leggings... Leggings are my WARDROBE. I have a slight legging addiction Jenna Marbles style.

 

 I am all about Apple iPhone. I jumped on the Apple train (does that make any sense) a little while ago. Once you go IPhone, you never go back.

I love Ugg boots. I love knockoff Ugg  boots. And if you can honestly tell me that you don't enjoy wearing slippers for the entirety of your day and them passing as acceptable shoes, you're just strange.

I take Selfies. A. Lot. Of. Selfies.

Ahh, a mirror selfie with iPhone.
BASIC.

 I like Starbucks. It wakes me up when I need a big kick of caffeine. I don't dig PSL (Pumpkin Spice Lattes) though. -1 basic point.

I would LOVE to have a Michael Kors watch that costs half my paycheck. Along with a purse that costs more than $20. And I would love to only buy NorthFace fleece. Period.


The point of my little tirade here, is that just because I'm "basic,"doesn't mean I'm not multifaceted as well. Just because I listen to TaySwift doesn't mean I can't love WuTang Clan and just because I love Ugg boots, doesn't mean I can't rock some Nikes. I think it's pretty shallow to categorize people as basic, because, well, we're all basic.... Basically unique in our own ways.

There's a much deeper, intelligent side to all of us! Sure, you may enjoy a good old cup of Starbucks, but since when do your taste buds dictate your intelligence?! The thing about most of these "basic b****" classifications, is that they are related to material possessions or preferences. Leggings, Ugg boots, a purse more expensive than $20, etc. Look at the list, many of these items are expensive! So if you love them, congrats!! You probably work hard and have earned them! Congrats on getting the opportunity to be basic, it'll cost ya a pretty penny! ;)

 If what you love is popular, it shouldn't matter. If what you love is NOT popular, it shouldn't matter. Let's just LIKE what we LIKE. That's it!

And to finish off with a really basic b***** thing to say, "Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top!"

  ...no, seriously though. You're perfect. Flaunt that basic self! ;)

Shades of Gray

I've grown very intimate with this little thing in life called, "emotions;" whether I want to or not. So much so that many nights I have lied awake praying for an OFF button so I could just get five minutes of peace from my own brain. 

When we are going through a heartbreak or a particularly difficult point in our lives, sometimes our emotions become confusing. I found myself at one point Google-ING mental health disorders and checking boxes to self-diagnose myself with some disease because, well, because I was feeling. Turns out, nothing is wrong with feeling and it is actually not a disorder, as much as the world tries to make us robots in the feelings department. I am not psychotic and I don't own fifty cats, yeah, baby kittens sure are cute, but it's just not my thing. But you know what IS my thing? Experiencing emotions as they come, and knowing that is okay. Sometimes life will bring me regret, sadness, pain, happiness, excitement, and sorrow... But to experience each one, I don't think you can leave out any. 

When I love, I love hard. When I laugh, my abs hurt. I've never really known an in-between and I've been told my whole life that this is some sort of fault; and quite frankly, I don't dig that. I think I was made in His image and there is a reason that I may FEEL differently than YOU feel. Or maybe you're sitting there reading this thinking, "Gosh I am so glad I'm not the only one." ((p.s. You're not the only one. I've met other people with a soul like mine)) 

I may not be able to coast in life. I may not be able to just be okay and fake a smile. I may not be able to hide my feelings. 

I do sometimes wear my heart on my sleeves, or rather, on my entire body and every article of clothing I own. I do sometimes cry at the most inopportune times. I do sometimes gawk at the yellow stop light because of how absolutely beautiful that shade is against the turning leaves of fall. ((I'm serious on that one. Autumn turns the most mundane things into gems; no kidding I sat at a yellow light in awe at how perfect the shade is against the fall leaves, check it out next time you hit the road)) 

I don't let everybody else dictate what I can and cannot feel. When I can feel. How I can feel. What I should feel. What is right or wrong to feel at what specific times. I let my heart, my mind, my experiences, and my faith dictate that. And it has taken me so long to get to this point where I am okay not letting anybody else tell me that; and being myself. I am at a point where I don't feel weak for having this plethora of emotions, but I feel strong for experiencing this and telling the world who I am, before it tells me first. 

So I guess what it all boils down to, is I don't know what gray is. I never did, and I hope one day, you too can experience the ferocity of human emotions without fear of holding back. 

Today just let yourself feel, and know that God gave you your unique personality and emotions to face the world with, and better yet, to shape the world with. He didn't make us all different so we could try so hard to be like one another!

Gray is over-rated. 

Today.

The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow!

What is Love?

Baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more.

What is love?!

Okay! Now that the soundtrack to this blog post is stuck in your head- let's continue!

 

I'm one of those hopeless romantics that truly believes love is what makes the world go round ((yeah, yeah... I get the gist, physicist.. angular momentum is a tiiiiny part of that too))

 

It's not something you can define, but something you feel. But as you know, I'm big on words...

 

Love fascinates me, intrigues me. It's not something you can define, but something you feel. But as you know, I'm big on words, so I thought- "What is love?" ((queue the soundtrack in your head again, you're welcome! ;))  Or rather, "How would you define love in words?" 

 

I asked a number of people to define love in 1-2 sentences, so without further adieu:  

 

 "Love is bacon."

Age 45

 

 "Love is being nice and kissing each other."

Age 8 

"Love is Blind, love is different in every relationship, love is what you make of it, when you are away from the person you're in a relationship with and your heart tingles that's love..

Love is when I'm too sick to wipe my own nose or ass!"

Age 42 

 

"Love is...what makes the world go round. It makes the ride worth it."

Age 26

"Selfless, vulnerable Love in the raw is terribly scandalous. It does not make logical sense... much like God Himself. They cannot be separated."

Age 22 

"If you love someone you will be or do anything for them....  What comes to mind is The Notebook, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird."

Age 32 

"Love is destructive beauty. It's eternal and never dies and could make or break you."

Age 17

"Love is inconsistent. It endures only through unconditional commitment."

Age 22

"The best and only definition of love is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Age 23

"Love is unbreakable and spans all space and time. It is unbiased and the most powerful thing in existence. Love is infinite."

Age 22 

"This is from a website I read once, "Love is like pushing a button and getting a cookie every time, but eventually you only get a cookie one in every 100 pushes, the other 99 times you get pooped on by a bird, but you still push the button waiting for that one time you get a cookie."

Age 23

"Love is light, love is warmth and kindness, love is honesty and truth.  Love is capable, love is worth, love is never immediate.  Love will always be eternal."

Age 34 

"Love is the chemical reaction in our brains that triggers an emotional response with a physical action to show we care about someone or something."

Age 23 

"Love is an act of expression. 

It means nothing if you don't show it."

Age 33

"To me love is caring. It's being willing to go to the ends of the earth for someone else's well being.  Love is meeting in the middle,  and not always getting your way. It's respect. It's trust. It's friendship and family. It's listening with an open mind and heart,  and being a shoulder to cry on at 2am when needed. Without love the world would shatter in isolation."

Age 20 

"Love is being able to trust and depend on another person without reservation. I also think love is a warmth- a "spark" in my heart when I see the other person coming to be with me. Love means listening carefully to the other person."

Age 89 

 

How would YOU define love? Shoot me a message or leave a comment below! I always LOVE hearing from you! 

 

...man, I love LOVE.

How do YOU define love?