Something to Offer.

As a writer, what is your greatest tool? 

My iPhone has become my greatest tool. (stand down Droid users, I love the notes equally as much on them too!) 

I will have over 3-4 thousand notes at a time, and then all at once, 74.

Writing hits me often times in this all consuming way, like I can't get out what I want to write as quickly as it is coming; a torrential downpour in the desert. I will go days, weeks, maybe months or years without any real sort of inspiration; nothing will strike me. And then all the sudden, my fingers can't type fast enough and I have thirty different ideas and all sorts of words and openers and 'closers' (if you could use that as a word for what I'm trying to say) 

Writing is my way of experiencing the world around me; or rather, that I couldn't truly live without writing. I wouldn't know who I was, and I don't know how not to write. 

Sometimes it's just a word. I HAVE to use this word. It's the word in itself. Other times it is this melodic flow of an entire sentence, an entire passage or "chapter" (if it were to be finished, I could call it a chapter.) It's this sort of spider web of ideas . I used to write web diagrams in school. The entire page would be filed with big writing and small writing and bubbles off bubbles off bubbles, and now that I'm older, I do the same thing but with notes on my iPhone. My brain looks like this massive web diagram where at first glance it looks disorganized and messy, a bunch of words all thrown together and you don't know where to even begin let alone where to end. And then you see my room, on a night that I know I'm not having company or my mom, I always hope to impress her or atleast make her not feel uneasy about her surroundings. But that's how I work and how the world makes sense to me. In this big pile of "altogether" and then slowly I pull out this magnificent work of art. That's how my brain looks. That's how my room looks or my files saved on my computer; and I can imagine if one had the opportunity to live exclusively alone, this is probably how I would keep it. However, I'm cultured. I'm clean. I like myself and my surroundings to look nice for other people, although if we are being quite honest, my eyes don't see when there are dishes in the sink and there is a towel on the floor. And maybe at some point all of this will change and I will think, "Ugh. You used to have such disgusting habits!" Why did you write WEB diagrams that were just all over the place with no quite direction or purpose or rhyme or reason? Or maybe this is just me. And maybe something good will come of being just me; 

maybe a thousand notes on my iPhone, a messy, unorganized web diagram, and a touch of inspiration will change someone's heart one day. 

You have something to offer by being you; something you should. 

Eat. Five. Cupcakes.

It's the most wonderful time of year, or, as everyone I hear talk about, it's that time of year where everyone is concerned about how much weight they've gained or are anticipating gaining. 

And you know what I think? Eat. Five. Cupcakes. 

Enjoy every cupcake your grandma bakes, because one day you will miss that home-made taste so bad when she's not around. You will be wishing that you would have just ate one. more. cupcake. You will wish that you could have that sweet, warm taste of home all over again. 

You will be wishing you could eat that honey-baked spiral ham and juicy turkey when you're reheating ramen on your busy work schedule. 

You will be wishing you swam in a river of gravy on your mashed potatoes when you're on a Popsicle diet because of an unexpected surgery. 

You will be wishing you got seconds when you only have enough money to barely slide by with one meal. 

Enjoy the hundreds and hundreds of calories on your plate. And then again on your second plate. And while we're at it, your third plate. 

My point is this, eat your holiday dinner with friends and family and enjoy it. You never know what tomorrow will bring, and if eating a 3,000 calorie meal a few times a year is your worst offense, I think you will still make Santa's nice list! 

This is a meal to celebrate and enjoy. To share with loved ones and friends and strangers alike. To share happiness and send warm wishes for the New Year. It's a time of bounty and to give THANKS. 

So I say buy a pair of leggings, and EAT. 

Now excuse me while I go ponder all the wonderful foods I am about to stuff my face with this Holiday Season!! And I hope you will join me! 

This One's for the Girls

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think, "Ugh. If I had a little less fat on my belly." Or "Ugh. If my teeth were just a little more straight and my boobs just a little bit bigger." I mean REAL insecurities. Things that I got made fun of in school for. Things that you want to hide on a first date or somehow distract them from. (Like when you wear a fancy headband because you didn't feel like brushing your hair so you put it in a messy bun and throw in a headband. don't lie, you've done it) 

When I am checking out at Wal-Mart and see ten magazines of perfectly sculpted bodies and think to myself, "Wow. I wish I looked like that. I need to hit the gym ASAP." 

It starts a spiral of negative self-talk. Which seems to be an incessant devil in your own mind if you even let one comment loose! I know, because I've been there. Negativity is all-consuming. It sucks the life out of you and throws you against a wall with every thought. 

But then I realized when I looked in the mirror, "Wow. You managed to work 9 hours and complete three exams for college and you STILL have eyeliner on! You go girl!" It was smudged. My eyes were droopy and tired. My foundation completely worn off, but hey, my eyeliner was still hanging on for me! It's the little things! It really is. 

Instead of berating myself when I look at a magazine in the check-out lane, I just stopped comparing myself to them. I started being genuinely happy for their success. Congratulating someone on their sculpted body, airbrushed skin and flawless hair feels a whole hell of a lot better than a negative slew of comments overwhelming my brain... In fact, it feels peaceful. Which is something that is hard to come across in the world we live in.

I realized that we each have the power to lift up other females. We have the power to stop gossiping, stop complaining, stop looking in the mirror and analyzing ourselves, and just start being FREE of all that negativity. And let me tell you, it is a joyous feeling. 

But don't be fooled. It doesn't come after a set amount of days. It doesn't come after you look in the mirror and see something GOOD. It doesn't come after ignoring the magazines and billboards. Actually, it is never really just THERE. This is something you work at with EVERY interaction. Every thought. Every comment. Until it gets easier and easier. Don't be afraid or discouraged when you keep feeling down on yourself, because everyone does! It's okay. What's not okay is to pack your positivity bags and give in to a negative self-image. 

I want you to remember you are beautiful. I want you to remember you are lucky to have the body and heart you were given, no one else can be you! Remember that. Remember at the end of a hard day, where you just want to cry and give in to negative self-talk, that you can make a difference in the world. It starts with your own mind. Your own self-talk. 

And then one day, when you're in line at a grocery store and your daughter looks at a magazine on the shelf, you can remind her how beautiful she is. How lucky she is to have her body and her heart and mind. You can show her every day by the confidence in your step, the conviction in your words, and the way you smile when you look in the mirror. 

You're beautiful.. Now go out and tell every girl you know; remind them how beautiful they are inside and out. 

••Feeling 23••

I just recently turned 23 years old. November 9, to be exact ;) It's kind of this weird stage where you are supposed to know where you're at in life, but you're still kind of crawling out of your own skin. You still feel a little awkward being called, "Ma'am" or "Miss," because, well, you probably still sit at the kids table on holidays. (It's more fun there, never move!) I think to a certain extent, though, we all deal with these periods in life. Periods of insecurity or anxiety of our futures; moments of doubt for what we have and will become. 

Learning to accept yourself in all that you have and will become is quite possibly the most challenging thing you will ever do; but loving yourself is quite possibly the most important thing you can ever do. 

I'm insecure at times. I have no qualms about admitting that.... Because you know what? Most people are occasionally. We don't just navigate through life flawlessly, and that's part of the joy in living! 

So I'm 23 now. I'm on to a whole new year of adventure and promise, of hope and sorrow, of creative ideas and too much Nutella when I'm sad. (maybe 23 won't be a Nutella year, I'm thinking...fresh fruit?) I'm on to a whole new year of setting goals, expressing myself, looking up to people and being an example for the young ones in my life to look up to as well. A new year filled with laughter and maybe some tears, filled with an insatiable craving to write and live. But most of all, I have 23 years of experience and a whole new year to learn. 

To learn the power of words. 

The power of self love. 

The power of forgiveness.

The power of giving.

The power of prayer.

The power of compassion.

The power of hard work.

The power of laughter.

The power of touch. 

The power of life.

I have the opportunity to make it a powerful year, and that's just what I intend to do. 

To learn and relearn. 

To transform my mind into a powerhouse of positivity. To create a sanctuary that will overflow into love for others. 

And maybe today it starts with telling myself I'm beautiful in the mirror, and I deserve the best. And maybe by the time I've had 50 birthdays, I'll be able to share this love with others, to create a legacy of women and children and men and boys who love themselves; who love what they have done in the world and who they are. I think that's so incredibly important; to be you, in a world where it's hard to remember who you are. To live with confidence that YOU is ENOUGH. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, strong enough, funny enough...just enough. Enough for yourself and enough for anybody else. 

Cheers to 23; cheers to learning all I can if even only in my own mind. Want to change the world? Start with your own mind ;) 

Xo. 

Sarah. 

And since I am 23, why would I end this blog post without a hashtag?! 

#feeling23 #livelovelearn #powerofpositivity #selflove #youreagemforstillreadingthis 

 

Your Destiny Includes Failure.

I've been learning that sometimes the art of a craft is learning patience, and being willing to fail; willing to work and to know your destiny includes failure along the way. 

I have learned that you don't get things that are worth it without the work for it. Patience and I are 'frenemies.' In fact, I candidly opened up about my lack of patience at a recent job interview. It is not that I have road rage and I am impatient when somebody doesn't slam their gas pedal as soon as the light turns green, not that type of patience. I am able to exude patience in so many avenues of life, and then certain things I get uneasy and anxious about. The beautiful thing though, is that sometimes you just have to be still and wait. One of the most challenging things to attempt, majority of the time. Patience will forever be something that my heart yearns for, to do away with an anxious heart and welcome a patient, forgiving one. 

But I'm learning. 

I'm teaching myself and allowing the world to teach me.

It's okay to fail. It's not okay to stop trying.