All the Love and Light You Could Ever Fathom

You've lost a friend, I bet, in your lifetime. One that filled the corners of your soul. One that you got a matching tattoo with. One that made milk spray out of your nose. One that picked you up when you were ugly crying. A best friend. A lover. A confidante. A partner in crime. 

You've lost family, I bet, in your lifetime.

One that is entirely irreplaceable. A hand to hold. A laughter that fills the room. A lover. A confidante. A partner in crime. One that filled corners of your soul you didn't even know existed. 

You've lost friends that became family, and family that were your best friends. 

I have.

And tonight I'm missing each one. 

Tonight my memories are ricocheting off the walls of my heart.... and I'm noticing them diminishing. 

Heartache is timeless. All we want in the midst of it, is to somehow forget. To heal. To feel better. To numb the pain of what was lost and move forward in life. How I yearned for that each time I have lost someone. 

And now all I want is each one of those memories back; I want them vivid and alive. I want the painful ones and the aching with laughter ones. I want them in full HD color in my mind, with a repeat and slo-motion button.

But I can't. 

Because my mind is only human just like yours. I can store all the gems of wisdom and moments that made my heart beat a thousand miles a second, but I can't keep them forever.

We aren't forever, our minds aren't capable of forever. 

As time wears on we become increasingly unaware of our past, try as we might to overcome this vicious mind game our brains play as we age, it just happens.

I miss my friends; my family. 

I miss my memories that I can't seem to replay in full effect. I miss the memories I can't even remember! I know they're there.

I miss ferociously. 

And that's okay. 

It's okay to miss someone.

And right now, that's what I'm going to do. Miss them. Send them love and light. Honor their presence in my life. Cherish the memories I can still touch in my fickle mind. Love them. 

Then I'm going to live right now. Today. That's where I am most aware. That's where I can love and send light, in this moment. Because one day, this moment will be a memory maybe thrown out by my brain as unwanted, albeit a grand moment, one that my mind just can't hold. Or maybe it will be a moment that my brain will always hold onto. One that replays in daydreams and dreams alike. One that is shared by multiple people. One that is brought on by a familiar smell, or a faint noise..

A memory that is timeless. That holds on despite our human-nature to let go. 

Our memories will eventually fade, sure.

Our friends and family will pass, sure.

We will even pass.

But we are timeless; our mark on the world is forever, even if not a single person can recall. Because I'd be willing to bet, you are missed and loved and cherished. You are sent love and light more than you could ever even fathom. 

So hold on, baby. Live.