Showing posts with label my stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my stories. Show all posts

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Shades of Gray

I've grown very intimate with this little thing in life called, "emotions;" whether I want to or not. So much so that many nights I have lied awake praying for an OFF button so I could just get five minutes of peace from my own brain. 

When we are going through a heartbreak or a particularly difficult point in our lives, sometimes our emotions become confusing. I found myself at one point Google-ING mental health disorders and checking boxes to self-diagnose myself with some disease because, well, because I was feeling. Turns out, nothing is wrong with feeling and it is actually not a disorder, as much as the world tries to make us robots in the feelings department. I am not psychotic and I don't own fifty cats, yeah, baby kittens sure are cute, but it's just not my thing. But you know what IS my thing? Experiencing emotions as they come, and knowing that is okay. Sometimes life will bring me regret, sadness, pain, happiness, excitement, and sorrow... But to experience each one, I don't think you can leave out any. 

When I love, I love hard. When I laugh, my abs hurt. I've never really known an in-between and I've been told my whole life that this is some sort of fault; and quite frankly, I don't dig that. I think I was made in His image and there is a reason that I may FEEL differently than YOU feel. Or maybe you're sitting there reading this thinking, "Gosh I am so glad I'm not the only one." ((p.s. You're not the only one. I've met other people with a soul like mine)) 

I may not be able to coast in life. I may not be able to just be okay and fake a smile. I may not be able to hide my feelings. 

I do sometimes wear my heart on my sleeves, or rather, on my entire body and every article of clothing I own. I do sometimes cry at the most inopportune times. I do sometimes gawk at the yellow stop light because of how absolutely beautiful that shade is against the turning leaves of fall. ((I'm serious on that one. Autumn turns the most mundane things into gems; no kidding I sat at a yellow light in awe at how perfect the shade is against the fall leaves, check it out next time you hit the road)) 

I don't let everybody else dictate what I can and cannot feel. When I can feel. How I can feel. What I should feel. What is right or wrong to feel at what specific times. I let my heart, my mind, my experiences, and my faith dictate that. And it has taken me so long to get to this point where I am okay not letting anybody else tell me that; and being myself. I am at a point where I don't feel weak for having this plethora of emotions, but I feel strong for experiencing this and telling the world who I am, before it tells me first. 

So I guess what it all boils down to, is I don't know what gray is. I never did, and I hope one day, you too can experience the ferocity of human emotions without fear of holding back. 

Today just let yourself feel, and know that God gave you your unique personality and emotions to face the world with, and better yet, to shape the world with. He didn't make us all different so we could try so hard to be like one another!

Gray is over-rated. 

Sunday, September 21, 2014

BLOGATHON!

Spectacular news people! My blog about education got selected for a blogathon by BreakThrough TV called #selfiesforschool! Breakthrough’s #Selfies4School campaign is a campaign that aims to send young girls to school, because we believe that education can help break the cycle of early marriage. Every blog you submit helps send 10 girls to school.
#Selfies4School

 Check out this link for my story- and submit a #selfie4school yourself

Many thanks to
Arunima for reading my blog and coordinating this wonderful site to promote education across the globe through the power of words! You are doing great things in the world- thank you for allowing me to be a part of this great cause!
Endless thanks to everyone who reads and keeps up to date with my blog- It really does mean the WORLD to me! Love you all!

Saturday, July 12, 2014

The Heart Broken Heal Broken Hearts

I woke up this morning and couldn't help but smell the faint smell of a campfire, or rather, a wild fire. It instantly reminded me of the two Colorado fires I have been witness to, the Waldo Canyon Fire and the Black Forest Fire. One of them I watched flicker down the mountainside from my place of work until I drove home in an overheating car, and the other burnt down my childhood home and the homes of friends and families that I've known since preschool. Both experiences have tested and challenged me along with everyone I know; we all had different experiences. I'm not sharing how the natural disaster 'went down' for me, though. The point is not how much tragedy those fires caused, but how much camaraderie.


 
I woke up to the smell of fire and instead of instantly shifting my thoughts towards the hurt and sadness hundreds and hundreds of people are still experiencing, I thought of when I went to Village Inn when the fire was still roaring across those pine tree filled fields. This breakfast being actually one of my sweeter, most cherished memories.

 Nothing spectacular happened. I didn't meet anyone famous, I still had to pay for my own breakfast, all the calories I ate still counted, and I still sat in the same booth I always do. The thing that made this nonchalant trip to breakfast so good was the people surrounding me.

It was an experience that I've never seen before, and it makes me sad today to think that the only time we experience this is when a tragedy happens. Everyone was so concerned, so caring; everyone would open the door for the next person, they would smile when you passed them, they would hold a conversation with you although they didn't know you. The waitresses and waiters were treated with respect and thanked for their food and service. Many people were paying for other people's breakfasts simply because they knew how hard of a time they were going through.

People went out of their way to show kindness, in so many beautiful ways.
 
 


 Now if you read my blog often, you know I never show emotion; ever. Okay.... Kidding! I'm one of the most emotional people you will probably ever come across ;) But this time, it wasn't just me who thought this was so touching. You could see everyone's spirits be uplifted. You could feel the "togetherness" that we all shared, sitting in the little Village Inn that we've memorized which booth and waitress we like best. This time was different, and it's never been the same since.


Why?


 Why is it that tragedy can bring a group of people so strongly together, and once tragedy is gone, we are back to minding our own, not smiling at others, not paying for people's meals 'just because,' etc.

What I realized is that when the natural disaster happened, people KNEW without a shadow of doubt that others were in need. We could assume that even if your house was not currently on fire, your state was and even many that you knew. The heartbroken were helping heal broken hearts. But why is any other day now different?

We may not all be experiencing the same tragedy, but I can guarantee we are ALL still experiencing tragedy.
 



 I dream of the day mundane things like breakfast at Village Inn become memories we cherish because of the kindness of people; of strangers. I dream of the day people show kindness, openness, genuine concern, and giving attitudes every day, because it is every day that tragedies happen individually.

The fires may be put out, and the homes may be being rebuilt, but that doesn't mean it's time to hang up our hats on showing kindness and becoming one community.


With Love,
PhotoSoulSarah

Monday, June 16, 2014

Jival's Visitor

I don't think stories just appear on paper. I believe they snatch the author awake and drag them by their toes to their computer. Writing this story was a little like that for me... Hopefully the story speaks to you as much as it did me:

Jival's Visitor
A sharp ray of sun cut the room in half diagonally; and behind a visible curtain of dust was a bed just big enough for a child. A woman lay sprawled across this petite bed, her arm hung to the floor and her head turned to the side. Her eyes got lost behind the worry on her face. A warm glow washed over her skin, but the sight of her body lured in your eyes and hit you like a bullet. Her hip bones protruded from her sides, and her ribs pressed against her vibrantly colored shirt with each wheezing breath.

            Her struggling hand shifted from the floor to her stomach. She rested her fingers gently across her side. The skeleton of her body sunk into the bed, and the only rise in shape you could see was the roundness of her belly. Sadaf was nearly nine months pregnant with her second child; her first a boy of seven years now.

            Jival was full of life, his laughter filled the barren room. His almond-shaped brown eyes held back the tears he felt, and his smile brought forth the strength his mother needed. He would walk down to the river each morning at dawn with a pail half as big as him. He would splash in the cool water only when nobody was looking, and then rush to fill up the bucket and bring it to his mother. The dirt road got washed with spilled water as he trudged the long distance. He tried to be as careful as he possibly could, but somehow only came back with a half of what he had gotten at the shallow river.

            She would wash him each morning with this water; singing a soft song that was engrained in his memory. He would watch her lips as they sang the same soothing tune. Only this morning he noticed that they were cracked and dry. The color had disappeared and the outline was no longer defined. They fought to enunciate words that had come natural only just what seemed like the day before. Her voice became hoarse in the last line of the song. Jival’s eyebrows rose with worry.

            He watched Sadaf inch back over and lay on the bed, holding her stomach the entire time. Jival knew this was a sign he should go outside. He pulled on his thread-barren sandals and galloped outside. His mind was puzzled, but he wasn’t sure what to think. He ran to the edge of the road, and stopped instantly on the side of the road. A rugged car was making its way down his road; gliding over everything in its path.  Jival turned and ran as fast as his legs could carry him to where his mother lay.

            His words were flowing so fast Sadaf didn’t know what he was saying. Her hand rested on the boy’s shoulder and her words were calm and reassuring. Although she didn’t understand what he was so worked up about, she tried her best to assure him that nothing bad was happening. The boy’s mind raced to the hoarse tone of her voice that morning, and he peered at her cracked lips. He tried to tell her that someone was coming. He tried to tell her that it wasn’t family. He tried to tell her that is wasn’t someone walking or riding a bike. He tried, but he couldn’t muster up enough patience to get his words across.

            He stomped out of the house with frustration. He began to gather the sticks he had made into his toys, but heard his mother shriek. The lump in his throat got unmanageable and his stomach dropped. The sticks dropped to the ground in slow motion and his feet kicked dirt as he swiftly spun around to go inside. She was holding her stomach; grasping for the half-filled pail of water. Jival didn’t know what to do; he could only think of the car coming up the road.

            He looked at Sadaf boldly once, and then tore through the dirt road to the car. His frail hands were thrashing in the air, trying to gain attention. The car skidded to a stop. He wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do, or if he should have just asked his mother.

            A man with a freshly shaved face, and a firmly pressed shirt got out of the car. He had boxes of supplies in the back of his Jeep, and wore a metal device around his neck. Jival wasn’t sure if it was a necklace or some sort of torture device. The same look that crossed his face that morning came again. He tried to talk to the man. The man overpowered Jival with a deep, booming voice. He was scared and took steps backwards away from him. In the back of his mind his mother’s scream echoed and he gained ten seconds of pure courage. He grabbed the man’s giant hand and pulled him towards where Sadaf was.

            The man willingly raced with the child back to the hut. By the time they got to Sadaf, she was panting for air, screaming and holding her stomach. Her contractions were powerful and she was grabbing the side of the tiny bed with extreme force. Tears welled up in her eyes when she saw the man. She knew that he was a doctor. She saw the firmly pressed white shirt, and stethoscope around his neck. She reached out for his hand; she tried to scream for his help but nothing came out but hollow air.

            Jival felt his eyelids growing heavy. He felt his neck radiating heat and his mind blacking out. He fought through the dust filled room to get back outside. He sat against the mud-packed walls of the house until everything around him had a daunting shadow. He rested his head against the wall, and a bright star caught his attention. As soon as he saw the star, a piercing, whimpering cry belted out! 

            “MATA!” Jival said.

            Sadaf turned her head as her oldest boy ran to her side. She held out her arms and Jival rushed into them. The man in the Jeep was cradling her new son. He looked at Jival with fear in his eyes. He sensed this and looked back at his mother. Her weak arm motioned for him to see the baby. He walked as slow as he could all the way.

            The bottles of pills beside Sadaf’s bed were empty. The tops of the white lids were covered in dust, and the dates were from almost nine months prior. The jar of what-used-to-be coins next to the bed had only scraps of old metal. The glass reflected only the man’s image, no glint of money. The man picked up the bottles and looked back at her with disbelief. He told her he needed to go back to his Jeep to get supplies, he could help. She grabbed his hand, and it only took one look. She spent many months wondering if she would make it this far. Thanks to his help, she gave life to a new son.

            Her withered body lay enamored by her two sons. Jival was lost in his brother’s precious look, and the man turned his head to wipe the rush of tears flowing down his face.

 Jival was now a big brother; Jival was now an orphan.

Exhaustion had taken its toll; HIV/ AIDS had taken its toll. But that was then, and this is now. And something like that could never happen today.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Quick drawing && short story! Enjoy!

Kamala's Hunger

In the midst of a blistering slum, Kamala pulls the threadbare sheet to the side. Her almond shaped, dark eyes gaze at the dust surrounding her. A frail cough is let out, and a small dog scurries across her hand and into the distance. “Mata?” the sun kissed child whispers. Her vision blurs as she looks across the waves of heat as far as she can see. “Mata, mata?” she frantically whispers a little louder this time. She looks down at her what-used-to-be teal sandals and her toes hang over the edge; she slips them off her cramped feet and holds them in her soft, fragile hands.
Kamala’s stomach is aching with hunger. She usually wakes up to her mother preparing her a couple spoonful’s of rice with bread hardened like a cracker. The hot air is oppressing and the girl’s hunger is prominent. She tacks the sheet back to the corner of the dilapidated doorframe, and moves swiftly as though someone is chasing her. She scurries into the middle of Dharavi; the slum glistens with vibrant clothes laid out next to the water and the smell of spices surrounds her. The pang of hunger in her stomach grows stronger. “Mata!”  Kamala’s pace grows faster and faster, her feet searing with pain from the hot rocks and sand beneath her. She holds her only sandals in her hand still, and carries on. “Mata! Mata! Mata!”
Her eyes grow increasingly aware as she rushes past the flocks of women tending to their families. She hears a voice and stops instantly; “Mata?” the frog in her throat mutters. Pure silence surrounds her, her frustration engulfs her emotions and boiling tears roll down her face. They slide through her dusty face and leave a trail to her chin. Her stomach rumbles to the beat of the wheelbarrows wooden wheels carrying supplies. “Mat…..” Her lips purse, her eyes widen, and her heartbeat seems to waver. A man in camouflage hovers above her, his sand-colored boots the size of her body grasp the earth with bold authority. She quivers with fear.
A moment in time passes and they both look at each other with fear; a clear language boundary. The sun beats down on the beads of sweat on his pale face, and the tears continue to flood down Kamala’s. He hesitates only to wipe his brow, but then reaches into his over-sized pocket and pulls out a bread-like biscuit. She gains tunnel-vision now, only seeing the food before her.
Her almond-shaped brown eyes look straight up, only to find this soldier gazing down at her with gentle eyes. His massive hand reaches down to give Kamala the bread. Their hands touch only for a second in time until a woman’s voice shatters the silent gesture, “KAMALA!”
Her fierce green eyes spin around and grab up her baby. “Kamala, you must never leave my side baby.”  And the camouflaged man disappears into the waves of heat on the horizon.

With love,
PhotoSoul Sarah.