When we are going through a heartbreak or a particularly difficult point in our lives, sometimes our emotions become confusing. I found myself at one point Google-ING mental health disorders and checking boxes to self-diagnose myself with some disease because, well, because I was feeling. Turns out, nothing is wrong with feeling and it is actually not a disorder, as much as the world tries to make us robots in the feelings department. I am not psychotic and I don't own fifty cats, yeah, baby kittens sure are cute, but it's just not my thing. But you know what IS my thing? Experiencing emotions as they come, and knowing that is okay. Sometimes life will bring me regret, sadness, pain, happiness, excitement, and sorrow... But to experience each one, I don't think you can leave out any.
When I love, I love hard. When I laugh, my abs hurt. I've never really known an in-between and I've been told my whole life that this is some sort of fault; and quite frankly, I don't dig that. I think I was made in His image and there is a reason that I may FEEL differently than YOU feel. Or maybe you're sitting there reading this thinking, "Gosh I am so glad I'm not the only one." ((p.s. You're not the only one. I've met other people with a soul like mine))
I may not be able to coast in life. I may not be able to just be okay and fake a smile. I may not be able to hide my feelings.
I do sometimes wear my heart on my sleeves, or rather, on my entire body and every article of clothing I own. I do sometimes cry at the most inopportune times. I do sometimes gawk at the yellow stop light because of how absolutely beautiful that shade is against the turning leaves of fall. ((I'm serious on that one. Autumn turns the most mundane things into gems; no kidding I sat at a yellow light in awe at how perfect the shade is against the fall leaves, check it out next time you hit the road))
I don't let everybody else dictate what I can and cannot feel. When I can feel. How I can feel. What I should feel. What is right or wrong to feel at what specific times. I let my heart, my mind, my experiences, and my faith dictate that. And it has taken me so long to get to this point where I am okay not letting anybody else tell me that; and being myself. I am at a point where I don't feel weak for having this plethora of emotions, but I feel strong for experiencing this and telling the world who I am, before it tells me first.
So I guess what it all boils down to, is I don't know what gray is. I never did, and I hope one day, you too can experience the ferocity of human emotions without fear of holding back.
Today just let yourself feel, and know that God gave you your unique personality and emotions to face the world with, and better yet, to shape the world with. He didn't make us all different so we could try so hard to be like one another!
Gray is over-rated.
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