I'm alive.

I got a message the other day saying, "Life looks great! I love your Facebook profile picture!" (I talked with said person beforehand so as to not offend anyone by saying what I'm about to say) And not to say that I didn't appreciate the message, but it kind of irked me the more I thought about it. Not the message itself, but a deeper feeling inside me. One that was just sparked by this unexpected message..... 

My life on Facebook is such a TINY, small sliver of my being. It is what I use for comedy and safe keeping of pictures and a way to talk about the milestones in my life and keep up with the milestones of friends and family! You will catch an occasional depressing post, a post at 3AM where I clearly don't have a filter, and a vent about an unnamed person, but for the most part, I strive to keep my FaceBook account upbeat and positive, and to add a little bit of light, or if anything, "realness" to someone's life who happens to wander (or Facebook stalk) across my page.

I want, so badly, to feel pure happiness. It is this high that I am chasing. Chasing through accomplishments and relationships and goals and material things I've obtained; just chasing. 

The sad thing I've come to realize in my reflection about this, is that I think we all do this at some point. (if not forever.) We forever chase this facade of happiness and we forget to just be alive. People base other people's "life" on their "happiness." I think we should base other people's lives on if they are living! 

We forgot to feel that pain. We forget to feel disappointed. We block out moments of unhappiness. And you know what I think? I think we should stop worrying so hard about being happy, and more time worrying about being alive. To feel all the feelings we can feel and experience every moment no matter what emotion it incites in us; but to accept and live in it just as. it. comes. Not only if it is happiness. Not only if it brings us joy. Not only if we feel accomplished.

A moment in sadness or regret is no less significant to your journey than a moment of happiness, in fact, I truly believe that it's those hard moments that shape us. Just as a fire forges steel, so do our challenges in life. So why do we strive for something so vehemently that will only soon elude us? 

Because life is a million little things. A bunch of moments all crammed into one big thing tied with a pretty bow called, "life." So let's focus on enjoying all the little things, and not just the big moments of happiness. 

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in happiness. I believe in permanent laughter wrinkles and working towards happiness. I think life should and is designed to bring us great happiness and satisfaction. I also believe in feeling wholeheartedly in the other moments in life, because it is simply impossible to only feel happiness all of the time. 

So stop lying to yourself and everyone around you when you're not happy. Happiness will come in it's own time and it's own way, and in the mean time, stop adding to your own unhappiness by worrying and stressing about being happy! It's just nonsense! We're meant to feel other things than happiness...... 

Go ahead, let them in. 

So yes, I'm happy on Facebook, and really, for the most part in life. But I'm also alive, welcoming the millions of moments and emotions that come with life.