It's this excruciating pain of losing someone slowly that is unbearable. Although, losing someone in the blink of an eye is also torturous. If you're reading this and you know this feeling, I'm sorry. I wish I had words that could mend your soul and patch all the holes in your heart; I truly do.
At first you claw to keep them alive. You dig your nails into the inseparable bond that surpasses all others. You don't want them to go away; you can't imagine a world where they don't exist.
You fight for them so hard. You dig your heels in the carpet and stand firm on the belief everything will turn around.
You hold onto this for years; decades even. You fight, defend, weep, enable..
You cry over their hospital bed. You try to see between the doctor's words. You become used to clammy hands and keeping your cell phone by your bed like a gun in a holster.
And then you come to grips with reality.
The reality of a situation that is entirely outside of your control. That is outside the control of your prayers.
And then you deny this reality, again and again.
Until you've reached a point of exhaustion and acceptance, all at once.
Sometimes people find a way to weave their way into your life, for a lifetime. Although you lost them slowly on our tiny planet Earth; your bond is unbreakable in the heavens.
Now dig your heels into the ground and don't lose yourself slowly.
Do so much more than fight, defend and claw to keep yourself alive..... Live.
Because, dear sweet pea, you deserve it.
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