Jealousy.

It gets the best of us, doesn't it?

We live in this never-ending world filled with constant temptations; material, or not. I've been struggling with this lately- hard. That's the perfectionist in me- I want everything to be amazing. I want to take the best pictures, write the best stories, have the best career, raise the best family, look up to the best husband...I want my cooking to be delicious, my crafts to be precious, ok; the list goes on...

I know that as a woman of God though- my strength is constantly being tested. I often succumb to feelings of fear, worry, doubt, anger and jealousy. I get worried..."God, is THIS what you had planned for my life?" and then it starts a downward spiral of questioning.

I scroll through the most perfect blogs, look at people's perfect outfits, their fairytale marriages and relationships...Then I look at my messy hair, my make-up that got put on in my car on my way to work, and my relationships are...getting there.

I always, ALWAYS forget to just BE ME.

I know, we got this pounded into our heads as kids if we were lucky (which I was...encouraged to follow my dreams) But I get so consumed. With other people's perfect celebrations, their perfect hair, their perfect relationships, their perfect blog, their booming business, and then jealousy creeps up.......Awful.

Because I let other people define my self-worth.
 
I let people make me feel worthless. I let people make me feel like I don't deserve the truth. I let people make me feel like I am not worthy of loyalty. I let people make me feel depressed. I let people make me feel angry. I let people tell me who I am; and the WORST part of it....is that I usually believe it.

The key here....I LET PEOPLE.
ALL accountability lies within myself here.

Other people can only do to you what you ALLOW them to do. NOBODY chooses your actions, only yourself.

So to the eyes reading this right now- Do NOT let other people define WHO YOU ARE or HOW YOU ACT.

Ever.

Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. In Christ. &&that should be enough for true happiness.

It doesn't matter if your blog is not the cutest, most revolutionary thing on Earth. It doesn't matter if you're not married yet. It doesn't matter if you are in a struggling relationship. It doesn't matter if you burn dinner every once in a while. It doesn't matter if you don't wake up every morning to your dream job....etc!

What DOES matter- is that you are being YOU. Because God designed each and every one of us to have a significant and unique purpose; and that purpose can only be fulfilled by....well, YOU!

I've reached a point where I just have to LET GO. Stop trying to be perfect and envious; and remember to view myself how God sees me. How he MADE me. If other people choose to make me feel differently, then they don't deserve a part in my life. They deserve love...but not to bring me down repetitively.

And if you stop looking at everyone else's "perfect" (it never actually is) life, then you will slowly begin to see yourself in the image of God. How He intended you to be. Not jealous of anything else. Not feeling unworthy. Not feeling depressed.....But feeling empowered by the fact that you are PERFECT in His eyes. &&He has a plan for you bigger than you could ever imagine.

Life is pretty darn great....and in the times when you get envious of what others may have, remember to count your blessings
&&JUST. BE. YOURSELF.

All else will come.
Be still.

With Love,

PhotoSoul Sarah. 

Love Letter to the Broken-Hearted

Hurt just seems to be surrounding and consuming me lately. Every person I know is just drowning in sorrow; and as much as that sounds like a really catchy line in a song....It's true.

I look around and the faces are just… stolen. The nervous laughter of a mom going through divorce, the way it's forced to put up a wall so tall that no one can get in. The way nights turn into days from a father wanting to forget everything in his past. A sister hoping for true love to finally find the missing piece to her family of three. A brother trying to fulfill that empty void in his heart by strengthening his career. A prince trying to battle an all-consuming addiction. A little girl just wanting a kitty and her Daddy back at home to stay. And then there's me....

You see, I love- hard. I don't give people part of me, or half my heart. I’m not some façade of a girl, I’m real. What you see is what you get. I do wear my heart on my sleeve, every moment ((Who’s idea was that anyways, OUCH)) You could say I'm not your average twenty-one-year-old. But then again, what IS average anymore? I cry at the drop of a nickel.. I see the fear, the hurt in people's eyes. I want to just fix it all. Mend the broken hearts, be the light in the midst of a dark, dark world right now. I want to go to sleep at night knowing everyone I love most is just....happy.

You realize in times like these though, that family is really all that matters. Love conquers all. But sometimes love is the hardest thing you can do. Sometimes we are so filled with anger, so hurt, so upset; sometimes our blood is past boiling...and then you have to do it. You have to shove all that aside and be what people need.

You need to be the love that was given to us. Unconditional, forgiving love.

&&Sometimes, well, that’s nearly impossible. Just like controlling your dreams; not too many people I know have mastered “lucid-dreaming.” However, I know a person or two with night terrors.

Night terrors.

What a concept....

This bone-chilling, screaming with all the air in your lungs kind-of-feeling. The kind of nights where vivid imagery of your worst days just haunts you. It's like in King Kong where the gorilla snatches people up and they are just completely vulnerable. He could either crush them in his hands, or gently set them back down. Images like that replay in your mind until it's suffocating. No other thoughts are welcome..... For some comical relief here, yes...It's like being held in the daunting hands of a giant gorilla.
I know-TERRIBLE analogy. But you see my point! The constriction, the lack of control over your own body, the all-consuming nature.

Sometimes that’s love. That’s the deep, real, passionate love. To see every fault in someone else, and continue to love them.

&&this hurts.

A lot.

But I promise you, broken-hearted….

You will sleep again. You will love again. You will find the missing piece to your puzzle. You will gain that sense of accomplishment to fill the void. You will overcome your addiction.
This hurt will get better.

Everything you are going through is making you stronger. You are clay in His hands and he is forming you into the person you are meant to become. You may not see WHY you must endure this, but I promise you will later. This moment of hurt will be worth it.

You'll be able to dream again. You'll be able to love again.

With all my love,

PhotoSoul Sarah.

Food for Thought...

Being tender and open is beautiful.

As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah.  

Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart.

Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things.

Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all—look around you.

 All of this is for you.

Take it and have gratitude.

Give it and feel love.

With Love,

PhotoSoul Sarah.