Not Taboo

I've received an alarming number of messages in regards to my post, "If I Died, This Blog Would Go Viral."

The general consensus seeming to be that I wrote or have written about death because I am trying to tell my "readers," that I am dying. (Wow... Never thought I'd have readers; thank you..especially for these inquisitive ones who make me think) Here's what I have to say about these comments though, in one wrapped-up-with-a-bow-fashion blog post.... 

First of all, I am dying; to answer your question with a certain air of bluntness. We all are. That being said, I'm not trying to tell you I'm dying due to a diagnosed cancer or that I know I'm going to die in a month or some predetermined amount of time. Besides the fact that nobody can do that, I don't know when my "death day," will be. Nor do you.

Secondly, I'm not fascinated by death so I write about it. I'm human. And maybe I feel so strongly about living because the loss of the one you love feels so close to someone dying it's unfathomable, but here I am. Alive. Human. It's not a fascination, it's part of life. 

Nobody wants to talk about death. Nobody wants to talk about heartbreak. Nobody wants to talk about a bad report card.

But the fact of the matter is that my talking about death, or heartbreak, or a bad report card, is it happens to ALL of us. Which makes me tear up just imagining that. Because I want all people to just be happy, love, and be loved in return. ((World peace, right? Hahah)) 

I'm not writing about dying because I am, or because I'm fascinated by death, or because I've been so heartbroken it feels like death.... 

I'm writing about it because it's not taboo. It's important to me that people know that. To know the pain of losing someone you love is unbearable, but you're alive. Let's talk about the things in life that are real. Let's share those uncomfortable moments, the fears we have, the truths we didn't want... Let's stop pretending. Let's let others learn from the reality of our lives; we all have so much to gain by those real moments in the lives of those surrounding us. 

We go through every year celebrating our day of birth and we pass by that date that we are going to die. It's for a reason. We don't know. 

We don't know what's right around the corner. 

When I start to feel disgruntled about the way life goes, I remember, "Life can change in an instant." You can walk into a grocery store and meet the love of your life or you can go down with a malfunctioning airplane and lose limbs. Sorry to be so straightforward, but life doesn't discriminate, and it certainly doesn't sugar coat. 

But how incredible is it that our life can change in one moment. It can change for the good, or for worse, but it changes. So I'm remembering to live and thrive in this one moment I have... And let me tell you, it's miraculous. 

It's powerful to take a moment and search every corner of it for all it has to offer; moreover, all you have to offer it. 

Give this world the YOU it deserves. Don't die at 23 and wait to be buried until you're 89..... Live. Give this life all of you in every moment you're in. It won't be perfect; it won't be anywhere near perfect, but it will be extraordinary. 

To The One Reading This Right Now

There's no glitch in the system, as much as I want there to be. I used to say that second-chances were my first favorite kind of chance, and while that still holds true in many respects, I've learned the timeless fact that there are no do-overs. This is it; right here, right now.

The biggest thing I'll ever learn, and perpetually practice, is living for right now; being only in this moment. 

If we're being honest, I still believe in fairy-tale love and that those who are meant to be will be; that love knows no time or distance and all that Mumbo-jumbo.... But with a little more life experience and many a journal article, I've seen that all we can do is live for this very moment. Whether our long-lost Prince Charming rides in on a horse-drawn carriage or not, we have to live in the present. 

I've heard the mantra all my life, maybe so repetitiously that it lost all meaning, that the past is gone and the future isn't here so all you have is now; but for some reason it just made my body go cold and my arms grow goosebumps realizing what that actually means. 

We only have right now. The word "fleeting," doesn't seem to suffice to describe life. 

We may never get a second chance at something. We may never cross paths again. We can't MAKE the Adjustment Bureau somehow work in our favor. The things we left unsaid will forever remain unsaid. The things we spoke too quickly will forever be spoken. There are no glitch's in the system. This is not the Matrix. ((I actually can't back up the last statement with certainty)) 

How's that for a slap in the face?! 

I'm not saying all this to make you become filled with regret, or question how you've lived your life. I'm not saying this to be cliché or philosophical. 

I'm saying this because you matter. Right NOW matters. I'm saying this because maybe you've been told your whole life you have potential but didn't do anything with it, or maybe you were always told you'd just be a nobody. But the truth is, you're famous to me. Don't ever let anybody tell you that your dreams can't be achieved. Your dreams matter. 

You have right now to be famous. Right now to follow your dreams. And I don't ever want to see you stop doing just that. To live fiercely with your courageous heart leading your path. 

Maybe nobody ever told you this, but you have a fan. I'm your fan. You and I, we may not even know each other, but we have something in common.... We have a dream that we're going to follow. Nobody can tell us we don't matter. And that makes us inextricably linked.

I'm saying this because right now, writing this to you is following my dream. Right now I'm the happiest I could be as I form these words on the paper. I'm writing this because right now matters to me, and I can't go beyond this moment without telling you how much you matter; how much I ache for you to live in the moment and conquer your wildest, most sacred dreams. 

I'm not giving up on you. Don't give up on me. 

Sincerely, 

your biggest fan. 

A Place Under The Stars

Tonight I got in my Jeep and bumped The Roots, Carrie Underwood, and Joss Stone; I headed east to a micro wonder of the world, the color-splashed Calhan Paint Mines.

I was racing against time and one very long, straight road to beat the sunset. I hiked along a dirt path, my eyes playing tricks on me thinking there was sure to be a rattlesnake just around every bend, until I reached the paint mines and one sunset beyond words. 

Bare with me here, as I only had my iPhone as a camera, but if you could have seen what my eyes saw, you'd have seen a little bit of heaven. 

I ended up laying on the hood of my Jeep, the chirping of the crickets singing a lullaby as I gazed at the greatness of the stars above me. 

Sometimes I need that place under the stars where I feel so small, but yet so brilliant. Where nothing is discovered, but yet everything is attainable. I need a quiet night under the stars, and I'd be willing to bet, dear busy bee, that you do too. 

A little soul-soothing, solo trip to a place under the stars was just what I needed tonight. To be at a place filled with so much beauty and wonder, and to be there all alone. It was as if I could hear my heartbeat and see every star beyond me. And maybe this is all just a high off neat•ure, and I'll come down soon, but for now, I'm soaking it up and breathing it in. 

I live for moments that I never want to end, this night beneath the stars is certainly among them. 

I hope you create your own moments under the stars, even in a city drowned with fluorescent street lamps. I hope you continue on a path that you're fearful of the unknown and can only see the ground right before your feet. I hope you appreciate what is beyond you, but never cease to forget what's right inside your mind. I hope you take time to silence the world, and just listen to the smallest of sounds; the chirping of crickets or beat of your heart. 

I hope you reach beyond the walls you're in and discover what's just around the corner. 

Today, Be in Awe

I plan to be in awe today of the world around me. The 200-feet-high trees, the vast, undiscovered space beyond us, the cultures rich with history and untold stories.. 

It's so easy to have tunnel vision and only see my bank account draining, my heart missing people so much it hurts, the potholes in the road and the grueling monotony of a job. But life is so much more than that; I'm so much more than that. And you are so much more than that, too. 

My plan is to love like crazy. I think it's really the only option I have so I don't fade away. It doesn't have to be romantic love right now; I guess there's a certain beauty in standing alone. To create my own happiness. To face my fears. To choose window or aisle seat myself. To love a world created to be loved. 

Right now being in awe makes me feel the presence of something bigger than myself; bigger than my heartache and my problems. To see the world with childlike wonder and step outside of my plan-everything comfort zone. 

The world is filled with miracles, and I'm determined to witness them. It doesn't have to be a journey to the promised land or a goose-bump invoking sight, it just has to be real. I'm in awe of a world with opportunity and adventure, and with enough hard work, I'm determined to fill my soul where there are voids and  hopefully touch the life of someone else along the way. 

So today forget the fact that you have debt or thinning hair, the world is an astounding adventure waiting for you to dip your toe in. Today be in awe of whatever you can, it's guaranteed to transform you. 

When Your Light Has Gone Out Move an Inch

When we narrate our story in life, sometimes we hope we can change it. We hope for new beginnings, details that don't shake our voice, and endings that are free of sorrow. 

We tell ourselves mantras like, "Without the rain there would be no rainbow," and we repeat them until we're blue in the face hoping if we just say them one more time maybe we will truly believe it. Maybe my life won't feel so profoundly shaken.... Maybe I'll feel the sun on my face and see the rainbow on the horizon. 

We can't change the details, though. Try as we may, we can't create a time machine and write our lives differently. We can't create loopholes to our narration. 

This can turn us into a white ball of rage. We ask questions like, "If there is a God, why is he letting my life go this way?" We feel like the more we narrate our story, maybe our light has gone out forever. Maybe we just have a certain amount of happiness and we used it up already! 

We begin to just weather the storm, hoping to get out alive. We have nothing but the desire to be free of this pit of sorrow. What if there's nothing left when you get to the other end of the storm? 

But you just have to move an inch. You don't have to narrate your whole story now, you can just write one word at a time. You just have to start. 

Don't let that giant, festering ball of rage destroy your story. Those grimy details of your story matter, too! So milk this season of your life for all it's worth. When that unfriendly thought takes a stroll through your mind, take a second to breathe. Breathe it out. You can't change this unfriendly thought, you certainly can't make it disappear, but you can accept it. Breathe out forgiveness and love and acceptance. 

Learn to tame your rage, put your sorrow to bed, and build acceptance of all you've come through..... Even the details that make your voice shake. Find your way back to compassion. 

Live a mysterious and sacred life, one you'd be proud to narrate. Your light hasn't gone out forever, you've just got to move an inch.